And it makes me wonder...

Jesus sure cast out a lot of demons during His time on earth. Really makes me wonder: was there a lot more possession going on back then, or is there as much now and just not recognized as such?

Weaknesses and All

I wrote in an earlier post that I seemed to stop writing on this blog when I started drifting away from God. I found in recent weeks quite the opposite. I simply haven't been interested in writing because I've been so concentrated on God Himself.

That's good, the "not interested in writing" part (that the other part is goes without saying), because that means I'm willing to count it as rubbish, to give it up in a heartbeat. I learned when we were preparing to board the Doulos that if I'm not willing to give up my dearest dream--at that time it was writing songs--then I'm not following Jesus. The step I took then wasn't even the giving up of the songwriting; that came after and was so much a joy rather than a giving up. The actual step was a small one which He honored with such a filling that nothing, nothing else mattered.

So I've known since then that I could do it again. This new form of writing had become dear to me, but hey, I shrug now, it's incidental. It doesn't even matter to me that I may not be able to come up with things anymore (writer's block or worse, in other words). I had, actually, been systematically drafting and then deleting all the old posts on here (sorry, I inadvertently lost some old comments that way) for various reasons: I was afraid that Blogger would pull a Facebook and declare that all content belonged to them forever regardless of deletions or even a deleted account; I intended to stop writing on here completely and close down my account; I simply had nothing to say; and so on.

However, readings and encounters of late have been given me pause. I may yet write more (this doesn't count ;)), if only to use this as my place to vent something which has no place else to go, such as in a book. Who knows--maybe something will even be of use somewhere, someday.

Old-age Weaknesses

On the drive home from a trip to the grocery store, a post just popped into my head for some reason, and it's not even about the game that I had mentioned and then erased in the first paragraph. It's about movies (another weakness of mine), and how I know I must be getting old because I'm starting to like chick flicks.

I know, of course, that logically this doesn't stand up. It's the "post hoc ergo propter hoc" fallacy (after this, therefore, because of this); I'm getting older, I'm starting to like chick flicks, therefore it must be the aging that's doing it. So instead I'll have to say that I'm getting senile because of what's happening to my likes.

It has to be, because I can remember the day--the movie, actually--that I stopped watching said flicks, the same way I can remember the day and movie that stopped my watching ones that scared me. I used to watch those in my teen years because those movies were the ones that one's peers loved and touted, and who knew to think any differently? I was only granted the ability, I have to conclude now that I look back, to start thinking for myself when I became a Christian at age 20 (along with, I swear, gaining IQ points!). But until that point I watched "Jaws" and "Alien" along with everybody else.

I reached the turning point when I decided to watch "Halloween" with my then-boyfriend-now-husband because of its classic status (even back then). We walked out after 15 minutes when I realized I was not enjoying myself, not in the least. My future husband wasn't either, and I swore from then on I would never watch another horror or scary thing, and I haven't (except for one inadvertent moment during "I Am Legend" which I didn't know would be scary and probably wouldn't be to most people).

The chick flick last straw came with "Steel Magnolias", though not through as conclusive a moment. I just thought it was pretty darn weak, and found myself going instead for Indiana Jones-type movies, graduating to the point where my idea of a great movie was just about action, and only action.

But I think I still have a thread of sanity to hang onto here, because I know I wouldn't enjoy "Magnolias" any more today than I did whatever years ago. Of course some girl movies are better than others, and I never avoided them all the way I did the scary genre. I also think that a bit o' snobbery had worked its way into it, the same type of thing as artists looking down on crafts and real rockers looking down on the Beatles or Barry Manilow or something. So maybe it's not senility after all, but a maturing into genuineness, allowing myself to like some embarrassing things that I really do like, thus proving myself logically wrong and maybe not-quite-old-enough at the same time.

Comments?

Someone just told me last night that their comments on here were not getting posted. I've not received any comments to post; has anyone else tried to comment and not seen it up here?

Free TV

Ok, I know we live in the Eastern time zone and that we don't have cable or satellite like rich folk, but I'm getting really tired of seeing, every night, in order, Synchronized Diving, Swimming, then Beach Volleyball, and if I'm lucky, I can stay awake long enough to watch American gymnasts standing around, looking anxious and chalking up while other out-of-focus gymnasts whip and flip around in the background. I realize this is what I get for free, but do I have to sit through a whole HOUR of the same two gangly women playing one game of volleyball when they're not searching for a lost ring? (No, and I don't. I mute it and leave the room.)